I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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