Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
