Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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