I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
