You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had to cum in my sink.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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