I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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