Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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