respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
