Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Damn victory sex feels great
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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