Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
