Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
