There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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