Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
