New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
