Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
