im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
