so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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