i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
