I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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