I got chris browned last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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