The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
