she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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