Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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