You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
