How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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