We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
