He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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