plz talk dirty to me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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