I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
