can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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