very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
