Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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