Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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