i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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