Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize