You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
