At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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