when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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