I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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