a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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