DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
