I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
