im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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