she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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