If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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