When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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