I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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