i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
