I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
