Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
