I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
