My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
