I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
