Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this boner is exhausting
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
