Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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