What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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