He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
