happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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