oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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