The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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