sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
