We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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