Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
