ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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