how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
