Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
