just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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