His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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