His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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