Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
