I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
