She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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