After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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