Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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