david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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