Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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