I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am naked and annoyed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
